Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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