We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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