Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
