And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
