my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
