New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
