I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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