If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
