Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize