how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Randomize