Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
