I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
