Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
