I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
