the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
