new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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