the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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