Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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