speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
