i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize