Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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