I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
