If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
