dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
