I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
