I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
