The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
