And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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