The brown eye won't let me do that either.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
