You're so nebulous sometimes
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
