Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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