Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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