my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
