Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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