there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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