Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
