Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
