yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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