he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize