he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
