So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize