fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
