he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
