My first STD was from a foam party
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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