Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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