can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
