i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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