you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just had sex bonerless
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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