Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
