By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
