never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
