if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
