I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
