I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
