She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
