i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is Oprah even human
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
