I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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