tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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