69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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