You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize