Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
