dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
