Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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