Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
