just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have fence marks all over my body
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
