a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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